life is a standstill....

it has been never been like this, 
not quite sure of what i want 
don’t know what more that i need to do, 
feels like a soul devoid of life;
one moment my joy knew no bounds, 
a new beginning is what i got, 
a new meaning to a lonely existence, 
i was happy;
as reality dawned on me, 
i felt my happiness come crashing down, 
all in one big thud, i wondered 
if my luck was anything but bad;
i try to find a reason, 
i try to find a cure, 
i tried all that was possible, 
but it feels as if my life has come to a standstill;
i don’t want to give up, 
i don’t want to cave in so easily, 
so i am desperately plotting my revenge 
against a life that has become mundane; 
(and take control of it once and for all 
before i lose my sanity and question my very existence)